Complaint After Complaint

You were a wonderful waiter/ess and I will tip you well. You work on your feet all day, serving people that probably treat you less than desirably and you go blamed for every bad mean that crosses your path, even though it’s not your fault that the chef back there is new and the old one hates his job so he isn’t really putting his all into to it anymore even though he has an illegitimate child to take care of.

So I have been good to you, and you have done they whole “Would you like some dessert?” spiel, to which I declined. So why don’t you have the check in hand right then? Why do I have to wait another 10 minutes. I mean, there is a batch of nuns at the door waiting to get a seat so they can all split an onion blossom.

Just close out my bill and bring it, your turnover will be faster and you will get that $0.25 raise that you need to buy those chemistry text books for college.

This really bothers me. Remember back in good ‘ol ’97, people used to have those florescent sunglasses holders that you wore around your neck so that you didn’t lose those killer glasses that you no doubt got for free at your work picnic the week before? Well get back to that, because you look rediculous with those glasses on your head backwards. Who do you thing you are? Kris Kross? You’re not, so put your glasses on a lanyard, in your pocket, purse, or leave them in your friends car.

I have never used these. They have come with almost every phone I have ever bought and I haven’t done as much as taken them out of the plastic. You know why? It’s because when Jesus and Levi Strauss invented jeans, they installed a feature called the pocket. This invention blew people away because they could then stop clipping shit to their pants and not put them in these convenient little storage compartments.

Not only does it make you phone fully susceptible to all the elements (water, bumping in to people, falling off because you fastened it incorrectly, scratching…), but you look like an idiot business man/woman. “Look at me. I am so important that I need my phone out and ready to make and receive calls at all times.”

Just use your pockets. They are there for a reason, for cell phones and hands and all that other crap you insist on carrying.