Complaint After Complaint

You CANNOT self proclaim a nickname! It doesn’t happen that way. The whole point of a nickname is something fond that people call you because your name sucks or they have just found a better one for you. It might be related to a past experience, it might have something to do with your last name, a name you were called when you were younger, how you look, talk or act but it is most definitely, absolutely not given to you by you. Your friends (or enemies) give you nicknames, they are the best and only kind that should be honored. If you have made up your own nickname…please stop. It’s offensive to me and all the people around you because we should have that honor, not you.

I know that it’s one of the most common mistakes made in the English language, but it doesn’t mean that it should not matter. I don’t know how this all got started. It’s not like the correct answer is poly-syllabic and takes you exponentially longer to say than the incorrect way.
Let me break it down for you. Superman does good. You don’t. Unless you are bolting down the street chasing after a man who just stole and old lady’s purse and a friend stops you in the process to ask what in the hell you are doing, you can’t reply with, “I am doing good!” If someone asks “How was the pizza?” You say, “It was good.” “How did you do on your test?” “I think I did well.”
To be specific, good is an adjective. For those who forgot, an adjective describes a noun: black dog, red hair, etc…
Well is an adverb. Adverbs describe verbs: He ran quickly. She silently left the theater.
Practice and condition yourself into use the right one. Use a mirror. Do situationals with a friend. Anything to help you say ‘NO’ to bad grammar.

Why do people say this? This is one of the many common errors made by people that just really eat at me because I feel like people should realize that it makes no sense. If your response to something that is frustrating you is to say “I could care less!” this implies that you care to begin with. If you are trying to express that you genuinely are not affected by something the appropriate expression would be “I couldn’t care less.”
I would have thought common sense would lead most people to this revelation, but apparently not. Now you know.

Is this so hard to figure out? I can’t remember the exact year of elementary school that this was pounded into my brain along with the two different spellings and uses of you’re/your, but I know that I immediately think less of someone when i notice they are making such inexcusable elementary errors. No lie, you have to be stupid to not understand the differences, and you have to be even dumber still to try to shrug it off by claiming “it doesn’t matter.” While we’re at it, the term “no one” is actually two separate words. What about “noone” looks correct to you? That’s right, nothing. Also, “a lot” is two separate words unless you’re talking about the verb “to allot.” Think about what you’re saying, there is A LOT of something. This is basic common sense and if you can’t grasp it then i really hope you never claim to be intelligent, because you’re not.

Who types in this shitty AOL shorthand? On occasion I have heard grown adults claim that it’s “easier” to type “u r” than “you are.” How is that easier? In order for it to be easier you would have to develop the habit of unnecessary abbreviation at some point in your life. Either that, or you’d have to be in one hell of a hurry, or have a limited amount of space – neither of which would be applicable in an instant message situation. These sorts of abbreviations “lame AOL jargon” as i tend to refer to them, are maybe acceptable if you’re under the age of 13, but if I get one more myspace message from a 28 year old man that says “UR SO HOT! HOLLA AT UR BOI!” I am going to scream. After a certain point it’s like reading a foreign language invented by an idiot.

I know, I know. It’s a regional thing, but it’s not a word. “You’re” is “you are”. “Can’t” is “can not”. Based of that knowledge, “You’s” is “you is”. When have you ever not contracted them and said “you is”? I get this constantly at resteraunts from waitresses. Mostly women for what it’s worth. It used to be older women but now younger women, 20’s are doing it and that’s sad. Is it so hard to use words that are in the dictionary? There are tens of thousands and you are still making some up? Guess what, America. There already exists a word that will make your terrible grammar correct. You use it every day and as a matter of fact, I just used it in this sentence. “You”. Are “you” ready to order? Can I get “you” something to drink? It’s not pluralized or contracted or whatever the heck you are doing to it. Drop it and leave it when you hopefully left “ain’t”.