DJ Knife Drawer's Complaint After Complaint

Butt-head

DJ Knife Drawer — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 02:00:04 PDT

I know there’s already a “smoking etiquette” entry but i don’t give a fuck because I do what I want. I’m a surly motherfucker. Anyway… on the real, I don’t give a shit where you smoke…at all. You can smoke you ciggs outside the door or in the nursery ward of the hospital. Whatever. What I don’t get is why do you have to throw your butts on the ground. I know its crazy, but there actually are people who have to sweep those little fuckers up. Do you understand how gross it is to have to pick them out of your flower bed or from the cracks of the sidewalk? Imagine if I went around nervously chain devouring pizza and throwing the crust in front of your business or home. That would blow… having to pick up nasty crust. You don’t know where my mouth has been. And don’t give me the “cigarettes are biodegradable” line. They aren’t and are more importantly annoying to look at. Cut the shit.

Streetwear as of late

DJ Knife Drawer — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 02:18:08 PDT

Ok I know that streetwear isn’t everyone’s top priority, but its what I do for a living. Trends come and go while the rest of America (i.e. Basically anywhere that is not a legitimate city) takes and extra 4 years to catch up. At this point, I have to say that the only thing more annoying than a whole collection of all-over print t-shirts and hoodies is the use of cartoon media icons on clothing. Disney, The Muppets… whatever. Do you know i actually had to look at an all-over print Gargamel hoodie today? Yes, the old creepy bald guy from the Smurfs. Fucking Gargamel!? When did streetwear heads turn into a bunch pedos? “Hey little Jimmy, do you like cartoons and windowless vans?”. Creepy right? Well so is your fucking Alife Cookie Monster t-shirt. What are you 8? The fashion design industry must be as tapped for ideas as Hollywood these days. Maybe this is just the end result of years and years of Ritalin.

In closing, all you assholes look like clowns. I talked to Pharrell and he said its ok for you to get a fucking job now .

Please enjoy the following music while your party is reached.....

DJ Knife Drawer — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 05:44:36 PDT

You know what? It isn’t funny. I don’t want to listen to Steely Dan while i wait for you to answer your phone. You aren’t doing me a service friend. I’m not calling to get an insurance quote or make an appointment to get my teeth cleaned so cut the fucking shit.

Vegans.

DJ Knife Drawer — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 09:35:01 PDT

Ever go out to eat with one of these? Fucking fantastic. Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of vegans that know better than to leave their own private stash of leaves and chemically altered, microwavable, food-products. But every once and and a while they leave their fortress of morality to eat with us normies. Just know ahead of time, other than the table salt, I’m pretty sure NOTHING is vegan at most restaurants. It’s just kinda how it is. Most people like to eat food. Just don’t get stressed out that every restaurant out there doesn’t carry “Tofutti” or “Tofurkey” or something with an equally obnoxious name. You know that bean soup the waitress said was meat and dairy free? It had chicken stock in it. Now run to the bathroom and purge so we can finish our meals. Trust me, this is nothing a back patch, a few pins, and a road bike can’t cure.

Check out etiquette.

DJ Knife Drawer — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 09:16:44 PDT

Lines. You’ve all been in them on a regular, if not daily basis. So what we are going to do here is go over a few do’s and don’t and a few ways you can be a little less of a cock sucker in line.
1. The express line. Generally for 10 items or less. You are going to have your person with 11 or 12 items— not a big deal. But when you are standing there with nothing but your Dannon fruit smoothie, and someone is standing behind you with two 40lb boxes of cat litter, move the fuck up so they can set this shit down. It’s not so much a rule but just a general don’t-be-such-a-cock-weasel-and-be-a-little-considerate. Thats all.
2. The plastic dividy thingy… so fucking annoying. What my produce can’t hang out with your 500 pack of hot dogs you fat slob? I know for a fucking fact that hot dogs chill with tomatoes on the reg. What kind of mother fucker is going to purposely buy some of your food along with theirs? “Oh you know what, I did want some Little Debbi cakes. I’ll just buy his and save myself a trip!!! Mwwwahahaha!” The only time this is necessary is when you are buying 30+ cans of soup… and the person behind you is doing the same. Stop being a pussy.
3. Coupons. I don’t need to even get into it.

In closing, just be aware that there are other people waiting in line… otherwise it wouldn’t be a line. Be a little considerate ya fucks.