Complaint After Complaint

Unless it is a momentus occasion (ie. Your friend and you find out her last name is also a street name and you need to take a picture of her jumping up and pointing at the sign), there is no reason why you should be using your phone as a camera.
Andrea and I were at the zoo last week feeding the giraffes and we saw some woman taking pictures of them with her phone. It’s not like, “Holy shit. I’m in a location where giraffes normally are not seen. I should take a picutre of this because no one will believe me. But I did not bring my camera with me today because I did not forsee anything crazy awesome happening. I’ll just use my camera phone because I have no other options!” I packed my camera. I knew that I wanted to take pictures of animals, and I knew I was going to see them at the zoo. Duh.
I was buying a new cell phone, and the Verizon guy said the only downside to the phone was the picture quality is not as great as the other phones. I responded with, “If I need to take pictures, I’ll use a digital camera.”
It’s not like you can’t afford both. Teenagers can afford both. People also have birthdays. Ask some friends or relatives to pool together for one. A nice 7 megapixel one is around $150. Furthermore, you don’t need to upgrade your phone or camera every year so it’s not an unnecessary waste of money to have both.
Cameras are also smaller than wallets. It’s not like they are awkward to carry and a huge hastle to tote around. You bring newborns to the zoo—but that’s a complaint for another entry.
At the very least, buy a disposable camera. They are cheap, small, and when you get the pictures developed you can tell what you were trying to take a picture of. Unlike your camera phone. “I think that blur in the background is my friend’s new puppy.”

It’s July and it’s 90 something degrees out. Time to break out the jeans skirt and tank top. Totally appropriate for the weather. Totally inappropriate? Wearing leg warmers with your skirt. They do just what the name says. Why not just wear jeans if you don’t want people to see your calves? You’ll look way less ridiculous and way less like you can’t decide if you’re going to an 80’s dance class or the mall.
It’s not an oxymoron. You’re just a moron.
Even worse, wearing leg warmers and flip flops. In fact, let’s just say no leg warmers.

I know that it’s one of the most common mistakes made in the English language, but it doesn’t mean that it should not matter. I don’t know how this all got started. It’s not like the correct answer is poly-syllabic and takes you exponentially longer to say than the incorrect way.
Let me break it down for you. Superman does good. You don’t. Unless you are bolting down the street chasing after a man who just stole and old lady’s purse and a friend stops you in the process to ask what in the hell you are doing, you can’t reply with, “I am doing good!” If someone asks “How was the pizza?” You say, “It was good.” “How did you do on your test?” “I think I did well.”
To be specific, good is an adjective. For those who forgot, an adjective describes a noun: black dog, red hair, etc…
Well is an adverb. Adverbs describe verbs: He ran quickly. She silently left the theater.
Practice and condition yourself into use the right one. Use a mirror. Do situationals with a friend. Anything to help you say ‘NO’ to bad grammar.

Yes, I am fully aware that you are the one who has to live with the hairstyle. That being stated, isn’t that more of a reason to listen to a prefessional so you don’t look like a jackass who isn’t allowed to look into mirrors?
Remember these people went to cosmetology school, not Hogwarts. They can’t lighten your hair from brown to blond in a visit (a la Sheer Genius and the girl who wanted her hair platinum in two hours. Pfff.)
Yes the pixie cut is in, but not for people with round faces. They look like jack-o-lanterns.
I don’t care if you KNOW what you want, if a trained professional tells you it’s not the best idea, then you should seriously listen. They don’t do this to make their life easier because what you want would take up too much of their time. They do it because they are trying to save you lots of embarassment and the “what was she thinking” look.
Furthermore, don’t think you can pull off difficult techniques by yourself like stripping your hair or trying to match a specific color. You will have to go to a stylist to fix it anyway.
Lastly, if you make a drastic chage, be ready to have the time and money to maintain it. When you go from light to dark and don’t fix your roots when they grow in, you look like you’re balding. When you go from dark to light, you look like trailer trash.
An ugly face is something you’re born with and expensive to fix. Ugly hair is really cheap to do but totally avoidable.

Okay, so I may not be a highly trained specialist in my line of retail work, but don’t come at me telling me what you think the best deal is, whether it be coupon or sale price, etc… The register will ring in the best deal for you. How do I know this? Well, it’s because you are only the millionth billionth moron who thinks we’re trying to sheist you.
Complaining to me about the prices of things is going to do diddly. I have no control, and I am not about to call corporate for you. As much as you think the company is trying to royally screw you, believe it or not, you just don’t matter that much for us to give a crap about you.
Aside from me being speicific, don’t think that you can get away with this kind of behavior anywhere else either. Don’t tell your kid’s teacher that it’s his or her fault your kid is failing. It’s most likely because your kid isn’t doing his homework. Don’t tell your nurse how to administer an IV or that you need a private room for a sprained ankle. Don’t tell your waitress that breakfast shouldn’t end at 11 and that she doesn’t know what an adequate amount of ice is required to qualify for an iced tea. Et al. Et al.
I don’t show up to your office and tell you how to sit on your ass all day. Don’t show up to my job—without any experience doing it—and tell me how it should be done! If you’re going to be rude, I’ll just ignore you until you leave.

They have a saying in Africa: It takes a village to raise a child. Obviously the person who thought this up was a shitty parent who won’t take responsibility for the little terror he or she is raising.

If I want to go see a rated-R movie at 10 o’clock at night, I don’t want to have to deal with your kid screaming and complaining that they are tired and want to go home.

If I want to go shopping, I should not have to worry about my knees being taken out by children playing tag between the racks.

If I am at work don’t tell me not to tell your children what to do if they are climbing on the rounders because you know your would bitch at me like it’s MY fault if your brat gets hurt!

If your kids can’t control themselves in public then leave them home! If they start screaming in public, take them back to the car until they can control themselves or take them home! I should not have to sacrifice my night-out-dinner because it keeps getting interrupted by your child. The next time a child bothers me because it is bored during his dinner, I swear I am going to tell it to go ask his mother what the word ‘cunt’ means.

It’s not cute. It’s annoying, inappropriate, and needs to stop, NOW!